I’m just talking to myself. 

When you see me walking on the streets, 

And I seem to no not have a destination, 

Doesn’t mean am lost for a meet. 

Its on purpose that I  have no direction.

For somewhere deep in a castle that glints, 

I seet across someone and hold a conversation. 

Me: want to play chess,

Him:hmm, sure. To what do I owe the pleasure of the visit?(he snaps his fingers and the chess board appeared) last you where here you were a mess. I’ll take the white, you be the dark

Me: well, you live, you learn. I think  karma has taken a liking to me… 

Him:(he moves, I move) hmmm… What is it this time? 

Me: don’t pretend like you don’t know… Ah…! Am winning this one. 

Him: fine I know, so what? You want me to wave a magic wand and make your problems go away?(notices something.) best change direction before you make friends with the tarmac. 

In the real world, I turn a corner… It was evening and a little light rays hit the street, it was scarcely populated. As I continued on, I was back in the castle. 

Me: Haha no… That’s mine to bare. I just want company. 

Him: (left with one move, I block him, checkmate)Bah! Huuuh! Win some… Lose some. Go find a real person. 

Me: not that easy, 

Him: am not real… Don’t be afraid of rejection. Say hello,. 

Me: haha if it was that easy, I wouldn’t need you. 

Him: Exactly! (he says, leaving) Remember, am you, so I know you can d.. .. 

He fades away. Am left in the castle alone. 

I go back to reality, I walk by a coffee shop, I see a lady alone through the window… 

Leap of faith? 

Some random thought. 

I found myself at a bookstore perusing through a certain book… For the life of me I can’t seem to remember what it’s title was… But it did leave me ever the more wiser, or knowledgeable… Depends on how you look at it… It said “every hour wounds, but the last kills.” 

Yeah… I thought that I should take it as it is. It’s easy to think it’s all about death and everyone will shy away from it as quick as they can. 

I don’t know what kind of person I am for there’s more yet to learn but sometimes it gets exhausting think about the negative. So at time I like to participate in ‘the cup half full’ kinda theme. So from those words in the first paragraph, I find myself thinking on the saying, what does kill you makes you stronger. Or that there are two sides to a coin. 
One can toil for the longest period but in the end it gets easier since the person may have learned how to do the job more efficiently. Or even climbing that steep mountain and finally getting to the top… And your complaining is replaced with pride and satisfaction in your actions… See? Cup half full.. . Try it. 

My way or The No way

I remember the first time I stepped in to high school{Kenyan high school}, I wasn’t feel with bright eyed career imagery or a political enthusiastic psyche for the debaters’ club as we watch on TV. no… no… African high schools are different from the worlds, but i can only speak about the Kenyan ones. well… some of them,… okay just the one I was in.

The idea of a career was not even in my mind as Form 1 student. I was all about how to survive in that place. Bullying is a sensitive subject both to victims and perpetrators around the world. In the school that I was in, bullying happened to be in it and yes, several of us juniors did get to experience such “ritualistic” activities as am sure bullying happens in all places, be it at work, home, school, church. Back in primary school, I heard rumors about how bad a person is bullied and that may as well have put the fear of God in me. So education or rather passing my exam was not really in mind at the time. I was more worried about how i would the night would be handled if the seniors felt frisky. There is always some person who will feel bigger and better than some other person and will always try to make the “lesser” person feel the difference repeatedly. And sometimes in an excruciatingly memorable way.

But as we, the students, went on our daily unnecessary chores given to us by the seniors, something seemed to have hit the back of my mind but it wasn’t clear until one night, a senior (Form 3) that i had befriend said to me ” Cheki buda, maisha ni ya… yako, ukiacha msee akufikirie au akukazie maisha kila saa… you’ll have a hard time in life. Mtu nikujisot, no one will help you. So will you continue being pushed over or will you start to learn how to survive this school. I can’t fight your every battle.”

To sum it all up, he basically said that I shouldn’t be a victim. That I should learn how to turn thing to my advantage, or I’ll  find myself in avoidable situations playing victim. And that’s what I did, I had to cause nothing became any easier afterwards but that’s a long story. Point is I was able grasp the knowledge of how to deal with people and I use those skill to date. Am not saying that bullying was a good thing for me, it just showed me that the world is not all apples and roses. sometimes you get pepper or a Venus flytrap. This world wants you on your knees, so you have to decide whether to stay down or fight your way above it.

Good bad girl 

Hello, nice to meet ya, 

I’ve been walking these streets and I think I have seen ya

And damn, you got me singing, Hell yeah! 

Now girl, I know you’re trying to show me that halo on your head. 

But you should know am interested when you let that devil come out and play instead 

As you move around dancing on the floor

Know that am sitting here watching you show that glow. 

And I know there’s more to see so girl step on close

Let me look at you, mmmh! Turn around. Stop. That’s a good pose.

Baby close the door, how about that private show. 

You know that I like it when you dance up close. 

Cause you do it so beautifully. 

But girl know that you are perfect for me

Not cause you’re pretty , obviously. 

But by how you process mentally. 

That’s when that halo takes over

And to my heart resistance is futile 

So I just want to say, you are my good bad girl

Self

Who are you? 

Who are you, really? 

A question you’ve asked yourself or been asked before. 

Am sure your answer will pop up immediately, without thinking much. 

After all, you know yourself, right? 

Am not so sure… 

Every time  you ask yourself this question, you always have a different answer. 

So… Do you know yourself, truly? 

Sometimes I find myself questioning my actions,… 

We as humans are so conflictive we tend to lose our compass. 

When the necessary is needed to be done, we check our morality at the door

Yet when the same actions are done to us, we call call our assailants cowards, 

Hypocrites, that’s what we are. 

Are we the better evil, maybe… Maybe not. 

So I give you this exercise before you depart… 

Ask yourself, really ask yourself, “who are you? Saint or sinner”

If you are honest with yourself, you’ll come to realize just like I did, the answer is not found here. 

You would know, in that self righteous bravado, that a demon of your own fashion lies 

Or an angel that lights that needed candle in the dark night. 

You think you’d know that answer at your finger tips, but every time, every action seem to veer off your seeming path. 

You know what you’ve done, but do you know what you will do? 

Again, I ask, who are you? 

The statement 

I’m bringing it down, am bringing it hard, 

My bro right now is not time to argue, 

No time to bark, no time to go by rules, 

We growling and watching waiting for you to start it. 

You messed up now we are about to get some action. 

Starting a brawl with me, you think that will make you great, listen, be grateful please I don’t take you seriously. 

Just go home and play with your action figures, and let the grown ups get some actions figured. 

My Whiskey girl 

I find myself at a bar at 1.00am in the morning. 

Downing the next shot of whiskey,

I know its wrong drink that much, but I just can’t get enough

The world is spinning the feeling is great and the world is colorful. 

The bartender is only too happy to give me more for he gains profits out of me.

I walk out of the bar, at least I was mostly on my feet, 

I ventured the city Nairobi where the street lights shone bright, like the stars where a stone throw away. 

Crab walking in the pavements of the street, people stare but I don’t care as I shuffle on through. 

Singing to the top of my lungs with a whiskey bottle wrapped around it, thinking am Lois Armstrong. Man was I wrong! 

Finally I settle down at a public bench in Kenyatta Avenue across GPO. 

A few minutes pass as l drift away to lala land. “fun night?” came from the most melodic voice as some lady sat next to me. 

Still daze, “My mom told me not to speak to strangers” I said with a smirk, she chuckled and I swear I saw her eye glow. 

“You really want to lead with that line.” she said

“well, it was either that or you are so damn pretty.” 

“Ha! You should have used that”

“Yeah but it would be too cheesy, but got you to laugh, didn’t I? 

“yeah you did…. ”

Dialogue continued… 

But as I sent more time with her, I wanted to stay with her longer, 

Smart and fun but most importantly interesting. 

I didn’t even realize that I was sobering up. 

A thought rang in my mind, as i stare at her as she talk, ‘this is great’. 

And she kind of just disappeared from sight and found a homeless guy staring at me with a puzzled look. 

Confused I looked around for her but gone she was. And I knew it, from the look of that homeless guy, it was plenty clear.

With a laugh I walked away towards home feeling both elated and dissatisfied. Maybe I get stupid drunk again I might, just might, just…

Dance in the rain

Stuck in the rain with no shelter. What else can a man do but to despair… 

Wrong! What you got to do is blow up and feel the rain down, bare. 

You have to know that it’s God’s blessing to receive the rain that erodes away the pain that you so complain.

Look at it this way, you are not the only one who goes through strain.

So for a second, stop thinking and enjoy the moment that went to its way to get to you. 

I suggest you dance like Marcus Huston in ‘Stomp the Yard’, and embrace the day that is ever changing like a dance. 

So be fluid and let them troubles erase away. 

A wise man said, holding a cup of water is easy, but holding a cup of water the whole day is taxing

Mad man to sad man

Too much thought to trifle 

A man’s got his rifle, to his chin

About to blow his brains to smithereen. 

No break from evolving trouble, 

It literally feels like it rains in rabbles. 

Its like opening a door to an avalanche, knowing that the next door its worst than than. 

See life sweeps the floor with his face while karma plays its tricks on him till he lacks faith. 

Even if he pulls through the avalanche, an eruption is about to occur reaches out. 

Afore he pulls the trigger, remember this is all in the ill mind of a mad man transforming to a sadman. 

I mean, what is the point of holding on when all that happens is getting blown. Being at the disadvantage of the world’s game, its better to end it at your own pace. Right? You answer that. 

Is it justified to be undignified, stripped of pride, getting a thorny ride to your eventual demise? 

They say no pain no gain but if its more pain no gain whats the point trying. 

He might as well call on to the sandman to put him to sleep for all eternity. For that seem to be his only and final destiny. 

Company or country 

Listen! Stop with all these atrocities

Look at all these cities, under you

You really need to bother with the gritty and the nitties

Your citizens don’t smile anymore,

Not because they are hungry or they are sick or the obvious lack of health care that you so passionately took away from them. 

Its because of the disappointment that you brought to them like a hurricane. 

You are supposed to be one of the people for the people by the people. 

But really was it business? Instead you should have made it personal,   you selfish sorry excuse of a human. 

This is your home, but others as well. You take care of your own and they take care of you. 

After all, all for one, one for all. Its got to mean something. Don’t be the one exception 

I don’t mean to extreme, but you don’t seem to get that beam of light 

That shines so bright toward you. 

Am not saying that you are stupid, am just saying that, your ignorance and arrogance will be your downfall, 

Pay attention to your people. And please try to reduce the tension,that they are causing because of your blind remarks 

The media may bend the truth, but truth it remains. 

Just be a good judge and separate the important from the useless 

All news is news.

 So stop whining, about fake stuff and get your facts right before you speak. Then and only then you get to act. 

Otherwise what the point for you to lead