Jealous 

Am jealous of the rain

That fall upon your skin,

It’s closer than my hand have been,

Oh am jealous of the rain…

Am jealous of the light,

That makes your day so bright,

Yeah, i wish i could be the reason for this,

But, I look to you for my light. 

I thought that I’d be done, though,

My heart breaks in silent, as I seat through the night’s breeze.

And I thought that I would move on, but, I ended up giving in.

Cause you all I want, and I knew from the very first moment.

I feel like I lost my track and I can’t get back on,… Hhhhh…

My tribute to labrinth’s song, Jealous 

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Hey, you… 

Your eyes reminds me of the time before dawn… When the sun is about to come up with the promise of a new adventure. When the first ray of light emerges yet the stars shine bright still and the memory of yesterday remains fresh in the mind. The reflection on them shows how you see the world, kind, warm, new at every turn, one could only get lost in them even when trying to be careful. 

Those succulent lips can be so distracting when you talk… With a hint of a smile every time. Gets me to wonder what’s so amusing. And the smile that comes with it, for a moment… Just in that exact moment, I could swear that time stops and it seems like it will never go away. Like that smile is meant to last forever, as it should… 

And your skin… Clearly well taken care of. Also-…. 

I walk in to the room and find her on her computer looking all engrossed in her work. I seat in a chair across her at the table… She’s wearing a simple white t-shirt and a pair of fitting jeans, but she is barefoot. I smirk at that observation. She raises her head to see who it was. With the familiar face staring back at her, she smiles and goes back to her computer 

Me: hey, what are you working on? 

Her: oh, just some stuff… 

Me: take a coffee break, you look like you’re about to tech yourself to insomnia. 

Her: just a bit more and then we can have as much coffee as you want. 

Me: mmm very tempting, but I know, you. You won’t stop… You’re work will still be here in 20 minutes 

She looks up, she knows I won’t stop. 

Her: fine…  What do you have in mind?… 

Mmmmm where was I, Ah!  Your skin… 

Right. Clearly well taken care of could even give the Queen of Sheba a run for her money. Your skin shade is that of a the chocolate specially made from the factory of Willy Wonker in the pool of chocolate and the waterfall of milk creating a new shade that is especially, tantalising. 

Your mind, how you think, always amuses me. Am always eager to see what you would do or how you would react to some situations. Even in the dark you always seem to know how to come out of it. And when you are down, know that I will be there every step on your way back…  I may not have a shining armor but I’ll be your huntsman.

I wish I could continue but am lacking of words at this point. I have more to say but I would rather say it in person. 

I’m just talking to myself. 

When you see me walking on the streets, 

And I seem to no not have a destination, 

Doesn’t mean am lost for a meet. 

Its on purpose that I  have no direction.

For somewhere deep in a castle that glints, 

I seet across someone and hold a conversation. 

Me: want to play chess,

Him:hmm, sure. To what do I owe the pleasure of the visit?(he snaps his fingers and the chess board appeared) last you where here you were a mess. I’ll take the white, you be the dark

Me: well, you live, you learn. I think  karma has taken a liking to me… 

Him:(he moves, I move) hmmm… What is it this time? 

Me: don’t pretend like you don’t know… Ah…! Am winning this one. 

Him: fine I know, so what? You want me to wave a magic wand and make your problems go away?(notices something.) best change direction before you make friends with the tarmac. 

In the real world, I turn a corner… It was evening and a little light rays hit the street, it was scarcely populated. As I continued on, I was back in the castle. 

Me: Haha no… That’s mine to bare. I just want company. 

Him: (left with one move, I block him, checkmate)Bah! Huuuh! Win some… Lose some. Go find a real person. 

Me: not that easy, 

Him: am not real… Don’t be afraid of rejection. Say hello,. 

Me: haha if it was that easy, I wouldn’t need you. 

Him: Exactly! (he says, leaving) Remember, am you, so I know you can d.. .. 

He fades away. Am left in the castle alone. 

I go back to reality, I walk by a coffee shop, I see a lady alone through the window… 

Leap of faith? 

Some random thought. 

I found myself at a bookstore perusing through a certain book… For the life of me I can’t seem to remember what it’s title was… But it did leave me ever the more wiser, or knowledgeable… Depends on how you look at it… It said “every hour wounds, but the last kills.” 

Yeah… I thought that I should take it as it is. It’s easy to think it’s all about death and everyone will shy away from it as quick as they can. 

I don’t know what kind of person I am for there’s more yet to learn but sometimes it gets exhausting think about the negative. So at time I like to participate in ‘the cup half full’ kinda theme. So from those words in the first paragraph, I find myself thinking on the saying, what does kill you makes you stronger. Or that there are two sides to a coin. 
One can toil for the longest period but in the end it gets easier since the person may have learned how to do the job more efficiently. Or even climbing that steep mountain and finally getting to the top… And your complaining is replaced with pride and satisfaction in your actions… See? Cup half full.. . Try it. 

My way or The No way

I remember the first time I stepped in to high school{Kenyan high school}, I wasn’t feel with bright eyed career imagery or a political enthusiastic psyche for the debaters’ club as we watch on TV. no… no… African high schools are different from the worlds, but i can only speak about the Kenyan ones. well… some of them,… okay just the one I was in.

The idea of a career was not even in my mind as Form 1 student. I was all about how to survive in that place. Bullying is a sensitive subject both to victims and perpetrators around the world. In the school that I was in, bullying happened to be in it and yes, several of us juniors did get to experience such “ritualistic” activities as am sure bullying happens in all places, be it at work, home, school, church. Back in primary school, I heard rumors about how bad a person is bullied and that may as well have put the fear of God in me. So education or rather passing my exam was not really in mind at the time. I was more worried about how i would the night would be handled if the seniors felt frisky. There is always some person who will feel bigger and better than some other person and will always try to make the “lesser” person feel the difference repeatedly. And sometimes in an excruciatingly memorable way.

But as we, the students, went on our daily unnecessary chores given to us by the seniors, something seemed to have hit the back of my mind but it wasn’t clear until one night, a senior (Form 3) that i had befriend said to me ” Cheki buda, maisha ni ya… yako, ukiacha msee akufikirie au akukazie maisha kila saa… you’ll have a hard time in life. Mtu nikujisot, no one will help you. So will you continue being pushed over or will you start to learn how to survive this school. I can’t fight your every battle.”

To sum it all up, he basically said that I shouldn’t be a victim. That I should learn how to turn thing to my advantage, or I’ll  find myself in avoidable situations playing victim. And that’s what I did, I had to cause nothing became any easier afterwards but that’s a long story. Point is I was able grasp the knowledge of how to deal with people and I use those skill to date. Am not saying that bullying was a good thing for me, it just showed me that the world is not all apples and roses. sometimes you get pepper or a Venus flytrap. This world wants you on your knees, so you have to decide whether to stay down or fight your way above it.

Good bad girl 

Hello, nice to meet ya, 

I’ve been walking these streets and I think I have seen ya

And damn, you got me singing, Hell yeah! 

Now girl, I know you’re trying to show me that halo on your head. 

But you should know am interested when you let that devil come out and play instead 

As you move around dancing on the floor

Know that am sitting here watching you show that glow. 

And I know there’s more to see so girl step on close

Let me look at you, mmmh! Turn around. Stop. That’s a good pose.

Baby close the door, how about that private show. 

You know that I like it when you dance up close. 

Cause you do it so beautifully. 

But girl know that you are perfect for me

Not cause you’re pretty , obviously. 

But by how you process mentally. 

That’s when that halo takes over

And to my heart resistance is futile 

So I just want to say, you are my good bad girl

Self

Who are you? 

Who are you, really? 

A question you’ve asked yourself or been asked before. 

Am sure your answer will pop up immediately, without thinking much. 

After all, you know yourself, right? 

Am not so sure… 

Every time  you ask yourself this question, you always have a different answer. 

So… Do you know yourself, truly? 

Sometimes I find myself questioning my actions,… 

We as humans are so conflictive we tend to lose our compass. 

When the necessary is needed to be done, we check our morality at the door

Yet when the same actions are done to us, we call call our assailants cowards, 

Hypocrites, that’s what we are. 

Are we the better evil, maybe… Maybe not. 

So I give you this exercise before you depart… 

Ask yourself, really ask yourself, “who are you? Saint or sinner”

If you are honest with yourself, you’ll come to realize just like I did, the answer is not found here. 

You would know, in that self righteous bravado, that a demon of your own fashion lies 

Or an angel that lights that needed candle in the dark night. 

You think you’d know that answer at your finger tips, but every time, every action seem to veer off your seeming path. 

You know what you’ve done, but do you know what you will do? 

Again, I ask, who are you? 

The statement 

I’m bringing it down, am bringing it hard, 

My bro right now is not time to argue, 

No time to bark, no time to go by rules, 

We growling and watching waiting for you to start it. 

You messed up now we are about to get some action. 

Starting a brawl with me, you think that will make you great, listen, be grateful please I don’t take you seriously. 

Just go home and play with your action figures, and let the grown ups get some actions figured. 

My Whiskey girl 

I find myself at a bar at 1.00am in the morning. 

Downing the next shot of whiskey,

I know its wrong drink that much, but I just can’t get enough

The world is spinning the feeling is great and the world is colorful. 

The bartender is only too happy to give me more for he gains profits out of me.

I walk out of the bar, at least I was mostly on my feet, 

I ventured the city Nairobi where the street lights shone bright, like the stars where a stone throw away. 

Crab walking in the pavements of the street, people stare but I don’t care as I shuffle on through. 

Singing to the top of my lungs with a whiskey bottle wrapped around it, thinking am Lois Armstrong. Man was I wrong! 

Finally I settle down at a public bench in Kenyatta Avenue across GPO. 

A few minutes pass as l drift away to lala land. “fun night?” came from the most melodic voice as some lady sat next to me. 

Still daze, “My mom told me not to speak to strangers” I said with a smirk, she chuckled and I swear I saw her eye glow. 

“You really want to lead with that line.” she said

“well, it was either that or you are so damn pretty.” 

“Ha! You should have used that”

“Yeah but it would be too cheesy, but got you to laugh, didn’t I? 

“yeah you did…. ”

Dialogue continued… 

But as I sent more time with her, I wanted to stay with her longer, 

Smart and fun but most importantly interesting. 

I didn’t even realize that I was sobering up. 

A thought rang in my mind, as i stare at her as she talk, ‘this is great’. 

And she kind of just disappeared from sight and found a homeless guy staring at me with a puzzled look. 

Confused I looked around for her but gone she was. And I knew it, from the look of that homeless guy, it was plenty clear.

With a laugh I walked away towards home feeling both elated and dissatisfied. Maybe I get stupid drunk again I might, just might, just…

Dance in the rain

Stuck in the rain with no shelter. What else can a man do but to despair… 

Wrong! What you got to do is blow up and feel the rain down, bare. 

You have to know that it’s God’s blessing to receive the rain that erodes away the pain that you so complain.

Look at it this way, you are not the only one who goes through strain.

So for a second, stop thinking and enjoy the moment that went to its way to get to you. 

I suggest you dance like Marcus Huston in ‘Stomp the Yard’, and embrace the day that is ever changing like a dance. 

So be fluid and let them troubles erase away. 

A wise man said, holding a cup of water is easy, but holding a cup of water the whole day is taxing